3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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