Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
