um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
