i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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