I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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