If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
