my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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