This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Too much gin, very little bucket
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
