Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize