If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
