How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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