I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
