you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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