You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
