so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
