paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
