apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
