I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
