How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So squirting runs in the family.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
