You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
