she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
