Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
time to smoke my breakfast
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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