oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
