fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
