i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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