The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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