i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
