Redeem this text for a blowjob
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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