Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
