I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
