If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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