last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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