Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
