my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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