Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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