remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
