I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
