i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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