I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
