At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
