our cab driver is having phone sex.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I lost the right to judge tonight
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
