i would punch a child for taco bell
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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