As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
