can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
