I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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