i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
