i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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