We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
