I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
