I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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