i think my mom watched the whole time
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
