I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
