like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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