So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
