none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
